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Wednesday, December 7th, 2005
12:16 pm - ~holy poop....are you ready for this....
~HELLO LIVEJOURNAL WORLD.I am not dead. I miss you all. Please call me whenever you want. School is almost over for the semester. So that means, its time for all of us to get together and have a good time. Posting is welcome, I swear I'll answer this time. ha. ...............hugs and kisses

current mood: grateful

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Monday, January 24th, 2005
10:41 am - ~getting sent home again.....
~computers in math dont work again. so we are getting sent home again. its really scaring me because this is the third day of class and the third time it has happened. they better figure this out quick. johnny, i need to come to your house and use your computer. becuase i dont really have one. help me...anyone...please. im going to fail. ......hugs and kisses

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Saturday, December 18th, 2004
3:46 am - ~water, worry, work,
~i hope everyone is doing alright. i am very bad at keeping this thing up to date. you should all call me. leave me a message if you (most likely will) get the voice mail. ....hugs and kisses

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Friday, December 3rd, 2004
5:23 am - ~boombada.....
~everyone around me has this yucky flu thingy. but my white blood cells are kicking some germ butt. *KERPOW*. like ozzy and drix. ......hugs and kisses

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Monday, November 8th, 2004
3:38 am - ~if its the end of the world, i love you....
~and i'll see you up there. the northern lights are gorgeous and driving home surrounded by the beautiful colors after a night spent with john is wonderous.

~BRIAN, im worried. i called you five times, and no answer. call me. im here for you at whatever time on whatever day.

~i want to spend a cold night with you, drinking cider, eating donuts by the fire, with your arms wrapped around me. just spending time with one another. ......hugs and kisses

current mood: sleepy

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Friday, October 22nd, 2004
4:52 am - ~
~JOHN, CALL ME RIGHT AWAY!!! i dont care what time it is. first thing you do, is call me. please, just call me. .......hugs and kisses

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Wednesday, October 20th, 2004
1:58 am - ~everyone....

~i did something bad tonight. i hate myself. hardcore hate.

~i am happy that the people around me are sssooo happy. i wish you all the best. knowing you makes me a better person. ....hugs and kisses

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Thursday, October 14th, 2004
1:33 am - ~day one on the road to recovery...
~so when my dad quit ten years ago, he said everything tasted different. its only the first day and i already notice that. maybe i wont eat as much. that would be cool.

~this is hard, it is the hardest thing i have ever done. but i know that its worth it. right?? its worth it? RIGHT??? ok. calm down. im a little grumpy and a lot of sad. is that wierd?

~i need someone to be around. im so tempted. john, where are you? i need someone to hold my hand, and tell me its good. .....hugs and kisses

current mood: blah

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Tuesday, October 12th, 2004
1:46 am - ~and she was all like, whaaa???
~so its official. wednesday is the day. john said so. and im going to be mad and frustrated and sad, but healthier, and in the long run a lot happier. it all came about and really hit home, when i read a post in johns memory journal. he was so proud of me and made me feel it was all worth it. that i was worth it.

~no school today. oh, i was so surprised and confused. in a good way. haha.

~hopefully, tomorrow i will be going to johnnys house to spend some time with him. there is nothing like being in the arms of my bubby. im all excited just thinking about it.

~karl, wheres that baby??? cam, we missed each other once already must not happen again. sara, it was great talking to you miss you a whole bunch. and i dont know if you guys read this anymore but....JEFF AND CHAD, i heard you guys got picked up by a label. i am so happy. i tried to call jeff, but the phone number i have for you isnt in service anymore. i knew you guys would take over the world. and it looks like your starting with the u.k. miss you guys, i really do. call me. .......hugs and kisses

current mood: nervous

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Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
1:31 am - ~oh yeah thats just great..
~i have a really yucky cold/flu. it was so bad that my biology professor asked me to move "dont take it personally, but i get sick really easy, and your too close" i made me feel bad. but i have to go to class, i dont pay money to skip. now the yucky is turning to coughing too, my favorite.

~upsides, i got to talk to cam today. yay for that. we figured out the last time we saw one another was karls wedding. that long of a time? horrible, just horrible. well fix that.

~got to see and talk to shaun m. i really hadnt talked to him in about a month, so it was wonderful seeing him again.

~so i have been up since 7 am. i never took a nap. erica was here all day, i had a few things i needed to do, people i needed to see. i had told john earlier that i would call him back. so i have, eighty times. no answer. call me bubby. cause im still up waiting. well for you....and quantum leap. .....hugs and kisses

current mood: i

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Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
1:42 am - *wink*...
~ its never over, a kingdom for a kiss upon my shoulder. its never over, all my riches for her smiles. its never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter. its never over, shes a tear that hangs inside my soul forever.

~i thought hey, if johnny can do it, why cant i? i love jeff buckley. if you have no idea what im talking about, well then i guess what is should be.

~i have only five more minutes until my favorite show is on. yeah thats right, there is no denying the quantum leap. oh scott bacula. oh sam and al. oh ziggy. oh greatness.

~i hope all is going well with everyone.tell me, call me, let me know. i miss you all.

~i am so proud of you johnny. i love you. tomorrow tomorrow is one of those days i live for. get the jeff buckley ready, because im ready for you. ......hugs and kisses

current mood: happy

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Wednesday, September 22nd, 2004
3:06 am - ~the feeling that will never go away.....
~two years, and he still makes my heart pound. those eyes still make me melt, his kiss still excites me. true love, for me? who would have known? i thank god everynight for you John. ......hugs and kisses

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Monday, September 13th, 2004
1:39 am - ~your nothing but a half demon.....
~um yes, i love inuyasha so much it hurts. that makes me a huge nerd, and i dont care. wolf rain was really good last night, ive never really been able to watch it, think i should start.

~things are going well. sara came home for the day yesterday. it was glorious. lisa bisa and calls the shots came too. stinks i dont get to see them all more often.

~brian, i love this time were spending together. your welcome for the italian book, sorry i didnt have those damn cds. talking is great.

~johnny b, i love you. your the only one who can create so many emotions in me at one time. laughing with you is the greatest high i could ever achieve. no one else could make me feel ok about the indent in my leg. haha. bubby, i wish i were with you. sorry about the crabbiness becuase of the elephants that parade through your kitchen every morning.

~now it is time to do some studying for biology. yeah, at two in the morn. ....hugs and kisses

current mood: grateful

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Wednesday, September 1st, 2004
1:12 am - ~alright, i hate this i really do.....
~Im asking for help. geez oh peets, i havent written anything in here for a year or so and then i have the guts to ask for help from you guys. yeah, i suck, we all know it, so lets just move on.

~i need to quit. the cloud of smokes that is me needs must cease to be. im tired of spending money on something that will one day, make me spend hundreds of thousands more (med bills). im tired of smelling like it. im tired of being known by it. im tired of the way it makes me feel. i feel sick. i know that i shouldnt be doing it, because my health is already horrible.

~so heres the deal. you see me, try to help me. i dont know even where to begin. so any ideas would help.

~comments i need comments. ........hugs and kisses

current mood: sick

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Thursday, July 29th, 2004
11:20 pm - ~deep breath in....
~pictures of me equal discusting. mackinac was wonderful. no fights, no anger, no bull.... wish it lasted. it was beautiful.

~one hundred more people are being let go at work. pray for me. i like my job, i want to keep it. ah stress, life wouldnt be normal without it i suppose.

~its probably not a very good night to write. i keep typing and deleting. those of you who know me probably know why. you all know i love expressing my feelings so much. but im fine, ill get over it, i always do. ........hugs and kisses

current mood: ow

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Tuesday, June 29th, 2004
1:38 am - ~to choke on the past....
~its been almost two years and it still bothers me. i forget it for a while. then it happens. the past comes up. then comes the feeling in my stomach that didnt go away for four months.....that some two years ago. then my mind goes a mile a minute. the voice...ah come on lauren you know your second best, your only here becuase she isnt, you were and are nothing but right in front of him/an easier alternative.......
so the half hour i spent on the road driving around, trying to see through tear soaked eyes, only amounted to one thing....the loss of the ability to sleep. the lonliness that i shouldnt feel creeps back every time i close my eyes.

~this shouldnt bother me anymore i know. but it does, very much so. dont be mad if i act odd tomorrow, this is the reason and if you dont read it before i see you, i hope youll try to understand. .......hugs and kisses

current mood: stressed

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Sunday, June 20th, 2004
11:53 pm - ~gods chosen a place somewhere near the end of the world.....
~the concert tonight was wonderful. rufus wainwright was beautiful, he knows how to push my emotions to the limits. i bought his new cd and a t shirt at the concert. i love them both. ben folds played next, what can i say about him other then i think he is one of the most talented men ive ever witnessed and heard, and he makes me want to name my first girl child gracie. guster...they are just great, i will never tire of seeing them live. perfect was what that concert was.

~now im starting to get a headache, i think i need to go to bed. miss all of you....call me. .....hugs and kisses

current mood: creative

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Monday, June 14th, 2004
1:16 am - ~holy 800 months...
~hello there everyone. sitting at lisas, just got home from snookers with brian and lisa, watched the pistons beat ass, drank some awesomely huge 2.00 beers and a red headed slut (ha. havent updated in forever. everything is going great, im having a really good time....its nice to have a girl around again (NOT THAT YOU BOYS ARENT AWESOME). looking forward to my three consecutive years in school, but its working in a hospital with people. john and i are doing great, ive never been more in love. everyone put a little prayer in for me though, school is going to be crazy and im freaking out. going to the bank tomorrow to open a checking account, have a savings in the credit union but im more likely to spend money i have in my pocket so im putting my spending money in the bank.

~so i dont know who reads this anymore, but i do miss all of you. i think you should call or talk to me online because thats what needs to be done damn it.

~sara, this is to you, i dont know if you read this or even go on the computer very much any more but.....GET HAPPY DAMN IT!!! and call me. we have some things to talk about. not bad, hella. we just need to talk.

~brian and lisa.... thank you, just BBBOOOOONNNNGGGG!!!

~johnny, bubby i love you. i cant wait until we go on our trips just you and i. i think it is time for lauren and john to be alone for a time. cedar point and mackinac island, my god, im going to love every second. im such a little kid when it come to going places with you, i get so impatient until we finally get there. see you tomorrow and the next day. ahhh, bliss. ..............hugs and kisses

current mood: cheerful

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Friday, April 23rd, 2004
1:11 am - ~man oh man....
~what the heck? i should be sleeping. but i cant i feel bad, and really really sick. crap on that. i want to be happy and well.

~fun thing happened on the way home. almost passed out behind the wheel. my arms and legs started to shake, my vision distorted, and i couldnt focus on any of the workings of my car (such as the speedometer). what did i do? popped in a sugar free candy, its the only thing i had, and started praying. i was going to pull off the road but all i could think about was how close i was to home.

~i should have stayed john. i wish i had. please call me tomorrow as soon as you can. i dont care what time it is. .....hugs and kisses

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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
1:51 am - ~wow, can you say worn out.....
~so many things have gone arye. there are so many things that i can not say. there have always been so many things i can not say.

~im gone. if i blow up at anyone i am sorry. there are just too many feelings. its nobodies fault.

~everyone has there ideas of who i am, and what i have done wrong. ive tried, thats all i can say, is that ive tried. i have lost myself, if anyone has found my well being please direct it to my body.

~i wish i knew the answers to all the questions asked of me and given to me. i havent looked for so long, that when i finally was pushed to look tonight, what i found was a mess. a mess so large, that i dont know where to start cleaning.

~im sorry to the people i have hurt along the way. it was never my intention. all i can do is pray. ......hugs and kisses

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